Of K99s and Intellectual Property

I have some down time as my bacteria is incubating with plasmid until I heat shock them.  I just recently turned in my K99/R00 grant to the university, which in turn will turn it to NIH.  The last few weeks have been filled with multiple stressors: trying to collect all biosketches, writing various letters of collaboration, and going over (and over again) my research approach.  I’m glad it’s done and it is a relief but there is still a shadow of nervousness.  I did not have any preliminary data.  While I know that the lack of data is going to be a red flag to the reviewers, I hope that the idea will be strong enough for the grant to at least be discussed.  I wish the NIH would acknowledge in these grants that some mentors do not want their postdocs taking data that was developed from their projects.  I was actually told recently by my primary mentor that I couldn’t use any of her data since the idea behind the project was her idea and the data generated is considered the lab’s intellectual property.  Ouch, huh?  Like I’m some sort of fly by the night data thief.  And the funny part is that I wasn’t even trying to use the data at all.  I was just trying to help the person who was going to analyze it for us.  It is a tough time to be in science.  I think mentors/sponsors are more likely to hold on tight to their data since we are still facing a very bleak period in funding.  Limited funds make a toxic work environment.  I’m not sure if this is just the case with me but it also feels at times I am at odds with my mentor to the point where it seems to be a competition.  I was asked to write my mentor’s letter as she was busy teaching classes and writing grants of her own.  However, when she finally returned the letter back to me, small but multiple changes were made to it.  The small changes were enough to take a very enthusiastic letter to just a generic supportive letter.   Considering what is at stake with these types of career grants, no one can afford just to have a good letter.  It needs to be a stand out letter.  I think my reference letters will be better and this may be enough for the reviewers to have an overall positive feeling of who I am and where I want to go.  So my advice in terms of asking your mentor to sponsor this grant is to make sure he or she is all in.  If not, give yourself enough time to find a very supportive co-mentor.  A strong co-mentor letter can only help to boost your application and can also make up for any deficits or perceived deficits in your primary mentor’s letter.

Landslide

Another change in my so called postdoc life…. a new lab.  I’ve been working in the same laboratory that I received my Ph.D. in and funding (as it has been with many) is extremely tight.  The start of 2015 brought in two new graduate students but no additional funds so I was essentially laid-off.   I’m okay.  I could see the writing on the wall before anyone said that there was no funding to support my position.  Usually I get a renewal letter 2-3 months prior to the designated end of my work period but no such letter came.   I spent those months looking for any advertised positions, submitted multiple applications, had a few interviews, and fewer offers.  It’s a hard market out there even for postdocs. 

The gearing down of my first postdoc was a lot harder than I thought.  I think it is because I spent an inordinate amount of time in one place and had essentially built my life around the lab.  It was difficult to imagine myself fractured from a place that I called home for nearly a decade.  Much of the lab I considered to be myself; the way it is organized, day to day management and atmosphere.   There is a certain clarity that comes with such events, one being that postdocs are expendable.  We do not belong to a union and while we are less expensive than graduate students, PIs are likely to retain them because they are rising in their careers and may work with someone better noted than the PI (that’s academic pedigree for you).  Also, it looks poorly on the advisor that lets go of a graduate student.   No department is large enough where this type of news doesn’t spread.  So unless a national or at least on a university level postdoc union is formed or the attitudes of PIs change (in which postdocs are considered integral members of the lab), my situation will become more frequent in the postdoc community.

This would be easy for me to deal with, I am aware of my placement in this lab.  What is hurtful is the way in which my contributions were celebrated.  One member of the lab who left in the middle of a project because he no longer wished to continue on with the PI (after 8 years) received an $80 leather bound journal, calendar and business card holder.  I received…2 books…totaling less than $20.  I guess that is a $2 appreciation for each year.  I’ve read both books and already own one.  Extreme #giftfail.  It isn’t the gifts themselves that were disappointing but the lack of thought.  I guess the PI just stopped in at the nearest bookstore and went to the easiest shelf. 

Again, moment of clarity.  The only one who has your best interests at heart is yourself.   This year I am going to reinvent and build myself up again so that when I look at my reflection it can be someone independent and proud.  While my new lab isn’t exactly in my field, it is an opportunity to broaden my knowledge in science and learn about a different mentoring style.  It also gives me a chance to start thinking about projects I would like to do as a PI.  I keep plugging away at my K99/R00 and fellowship so that I can independently support myself next year.  I’m not going to let this landslide bring me down.