Study Section Time

So the study section for my R03 meets this week.  I’m nervous as all heck.  From the professionals listed on the R03, I’m guessing none of the ad hoc reviewers were specifically asked to join because of my grant.  I like the R03 mechanism because it can be used for pilot projects like mine.  But I know because of the limited funding some of the R03 grants that will be proposed are studies that need just a little bit more to be finished so they all have prelim data.  I wish the R03 would break it down to we will fund X new projects and X continuing projects.  Somehow I don’t think that it works that way.   It is a strange time to be in science.  Politicians tout that America is fantastic at research and biomedical advances, which is correct….but how can we continue to be innovative with decreasing funds to research?  Strange times.  I guess the key is to just try to persevere as best you can, wait out the storm and hope that drastic changes in the way we conduct politics will correlate with increased funding.  Anyway, done with the diatribe.  I will hear back with an initial score early next week.  Wish me luck.

Of K99s and Intellectual Property

I have some down time as my bacteria is incubating with plasmid until I heat shock them.  I just recently turned in my K99/R00 grant to the university, which in turn will turn it to NIH.  The last few weeks have been filled with multiple stressors: trying to collect all biosketches, writing various letters of collaboration, and going over (and over again) my research approach.  I’m glad it’s done and it is a relief but there is still a shadow of nervousness.  I did not have any preliminary data.  While I know that the lack of data is going to be a red flag to the reviewers, I hope that the idea will be strong enough for the grant to at least be discussed.  I wish the NIH would acknowledge in these grants that some mentors do not want their postdocs taking data that was developed from their projects.  I was actually told recently by my primary mentor that I couldn’t use any of her data since the idea behind the project was her idea and the data generated is considered the lab’s intellectual property.  Ouch, huh?  Like I’m some sort of fly by the night data thief.  And the funny part is that I wasn’t even trying to use the data at all.  I was just trying to help the person who was going to analyze it for us.  It is a tough time to be in science.  I think mentors/sponsors are more likely to hold on tight to their data since we are still facing a very bleak period in funding.  Limited funds make a toxic work environment.  I’m not sure if this is just the case with me but it also feels at times I am at odds with my mentor to the point where it seems to be a competition.  I was asked to write my mentor’s letter as she was busy teaching classes and writing grants of her own.  However, when she finally returned the letter back to me, small but multiple changes were made to it.  The small changes were enough to take a very enthusiastic letter to just a generic supportive letter.   Considering what is at stake with these types of career grants, no one can afford just to have a good letter.  It needs to be a stand out letter.  I think my reference letters will be better and this may be enough for the reviewers to have an overall positive feeling of who I am and where I want to go.  So my advice in terms of asking your mentor to sponsor this grant is to make sure he or she is all in.  If not, give yourself enough time to find a very supportive co-mentor.  A strong co-mentor letter can only help to boost your application and can also make up for any deficits or perceived deficits in your primary mentor’s letter.

Landslide

Another change in my so called postdoc life…. a new lab.  I’ve been working in the same laboratory that I received my Ph.D. in and funding (as it has been with many) is extremely tight.  The start of 2015 brought in two new graduate students but no additional funds so I was essentially laid-off.   I’m okay.  I could see the writing on the wall before anyone said that there was no funding to support my position.  Usually I get a renewal letter 2-3 months prior to the designated end of my work period but no such letter came.   I spent those months looking for any advertised positions, submitted multiple applications, had a few interviews, and fewer offers.  It’s a hard market out there even for postdocs. 

The gearing down of my first postdoc was a lot harder than I thought.  I think it is because I spent an inordinate amount of time in one place and had essentially built my life around the lab.  It was difficult to imagine myself fractured from a place that I called home for nearly a decade.  Much of the lab I considered to be myself; the way it is organized, day to day management and atmosphere.   There is a certain clarity that comes with such events, one being that postdocs are expendable.  We do not belong to a union and while we are less expensive than graduate students, PIs are likely to retain them because they are rising in their careers and may work with someone better noted than the PI (that’s academic pedigree for you).  Also, it looks poorly on the advisor that lets go of a graduate student.   No department is large enough where this type of news doesn’t spread.  So unless a national or at least on a university level postdoc union is formed or the attitudes of PIs change (in which postdocs are considered integral members of the lab), my situation will become more frequent in the postdoc community.

This would be easy for me to deal with, I am aware of my placement in this lab.  What is hurtful is the way in which my contributions were celebrated.  One member of the lab who left in the middle of a project because he no longer wished to continue on with the PI (after 8 years) received an $80 leather bound journal, calendar and business card holder.  I received…2 books…totaling less than $20.  I guess that is a $2 appreciation for each year.  I’ve read both books and already own one.  Extreme #giftfail.  It isn’t the gifts themselves that were disappointing but the lack of thought.  I guess the PI just stopped in at the nearest bookstore and went to the easiest shelf. 

Again, moment of clarity.  The only one who has your best interests at heart is yourself.   This year I am going to reinvent and build myself up again so that when I look at my reflection it can be someone independent and proud.  While my new lab isn’t exactly in my field, it is an opportunity to broaden my knowledge in science and learn about a different mentoring style.  It also gives me a chance to start thinking about projects I would like to do as a PI.  I keep plugging away at my K99/R00 and fellowship so that I can independently support myself next year.  I’m not going to let this landslide bring me down.

A Most Enlightening Year

It has been an enlightening year, full of multiple changes.   The faculty job application has been a humbling experience.   I applied for 25 positions and was told that my application “did not advance to the next stage of our search process” from 24 of those positions.  The 25^th position is an assistant professorship located in southern Florida.  I applied in December but am sure any day I will hear back with a positive review…any day now.  I really wanted to understand why I was not progressing at least to the point of receiving a phone interview so I finally decided to work up the nerve and ask the head of one of the search committees.   

Basically, the very blunt advice can be marked into the following points:

• ·         Not enough postdoc experience

• ·         No funding

• ·         Recommendation letters were supportive but not stunning

• ·         No funding

• ·         No high impact journal publications

• ·         And did I mention…no funding

So what is exactly meant by each point?

Not enough postdoc experience:

I am entering my third year as a postdoc associate.  According to the chair, three years is not a sufficient amount of time to hone in on your trade.  In today’s market university departments are looking for candidates with at least 6-9 years.  WTF?!?!?  Personally, I don’t know if I can last another year as a postdoc let alone three.   I don’t think the 6-9 years of postdocing equates to a “now you’re finally qualified” status.  I think most of the postdocs applying to these positions do have 6-9 years of experience due to the lack of sufficient funding for a transition to independence.   If we are very honest, the tenure track faculty at a full professor status probably did not have many more postdoc years than 2 when they were first hired. 

Recommendation letters were supportive but not stunning

I selected three references one from my postdoc mentor (who incidentally was also my graduate school mentor), the chair of my graduate committee, and a collaborator.  All letters were supportive.  I gave all the referees an option to use a drafted letter I had written.  My letter was much more personal and gave a lot more details.  The chair of the selection committee said the letters were “okay”’ but not over the top.  Programs are looking for letters that in the chair’s words state that “you are God’s gift to science.”  Again, another truth moment.  The vast majority of us will never receive letters that go beyond the simple “I enthusiastically recommend so and so for this position.”  The best that you and I can do is to draft the letters ahead of time and tell each recommender that the letters will need to sound cloying to the point of the world ending without us, the applicant.  Whether or not your reference decides to do this is up to him or her.  It is out of our control.

No high impact journal

Yes, I understand the importance of having at least one high impact publication.  Faculty are looking for new blood that is up and coming to collaborate with.  Unfortunately for me, I work in a field in which a high impact publication is considered 4-6.  Unless you are familiar with my field, you won’t understand.  If you can help it at all, work in a mid-size lab that consistently publishes in PNAS , PLoS Biology, Journal of Immunology, Nature, Science or Cell.  One publication may take 2 years of work, but it is worth it.

No funding, no funding, no funding

Yep, I don’t have a dime to my name.   I was awarded three small grants ($10-15K) from my university but programs are looking for the big $$.  The type of money that will support yourself at 100% effort, at least one graduate student at 50% effort, one lab tech at 100%, reagents, supplies, space, etc..  Plus lots of indirect funds so the department can seize them.   So no matter what stage you are at in your postdoc, stop what you are doing and start writing for grants.  Sometimes it is a vicious circle because the grants you know you can get require you to at least have an assistant faculty spot but you can’t get an assistant faculty spot because you don’t have any grants.

So what have I been doing since receiving the above sage advice?

Mainly working on writing for fellowships and grants.  I think letters of recommendations, a decade long postdoc experience, and high impact publications can be overlooked simply if you bring in enough moolah.  I’ve submitted my first NIH R03 grant (small grant application).  The funds requested is a max of $50K but it will demonstrate (in the highly unlikely event it is scored in the fundable range), that I can get NIH dollars (which is becoming increasingly difficult due to large cuts in the NIH budget) and that my project ideas are worthy.  I am in the process of writing a K99/R00 grant for the October submission.   I’ve gained a lot more appreciation for the grant writing process now that I have one submitted.  I managed to crank it out in one month so I am not sure how well it will do.  But it has taught me to clearly explain my ideas on paper, establish a strong research group, and evaluate who I want to be as a scientist.   Hopefully, I will have the opportunity to become the researcher I want to be.